I promise I'll get back to the usual smut writing soon.

For now I'm taking back control of this diary and going to continue being the snivelling, whiney fuckin' girl I can be at times.

************

We've been talking all day.

I should feel better - but I don't.

I feel empty... more so, I feel....

... broken.

What good is a toy with an Owner that does not use her?

I wish I could blame all of it on Ro, truth is I cannot. As much as I'd like to argue that I've been a perfect slut to Him - I haven't.

A girl isn't going to get something or find anything out unless she asks. I haven't been asking. I've been assuming that Ro has just been lazy,and hasnot been giving me the structure and discipline I crave.

He cannot give me what He does not know I wish to have.

He's taken a tiny step in asking me to spend the holiday weekend at His house. And I've made arrangements for Seige to spend the weekend at grampa's house - so that Ro and I can work this through.

He says I am not as helpless as I seem - but at the same time says He has not asked me for things, as time does not allow it. Now that isn't very fair... You cannot assume a person will not do something, if you don't even present them with the challenge.

He's got to start giving me credit for where credit is due.

Signing off for now...

rusted and broken toy

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