So army boy came bcak to town... saw him Tuesday evening.. and again last night he came to see me at work.. once I got over being the initial excitement of seeing him for the first time in 2 years.. it was like "Yeah... okay, big deal"

He left to waste some time, until I could leave at 8pm.. I knew what he wanted.. he had asked for it outright, "So, can we play?".. I told him to come back in a couple hours.. and I would be abl to leave early.

Once he left.. my thoughts were tumbling around.. mainly they were.. "What the hell am I doing?"

Gods..

Anyways.. he came back.. and I apologised.. said I couldn't give what he was looking for.

After I felt kind of like a shit.. then I got to thinking, "Why?" I felt bad for saying no to something I didn't want to do, to a person who means zilch?

Stupid stupid stupid.

So.. now.. I'm kinda proud of myself... cus the me from a year ago, or even two years ago... would have said yes, fucked army man, and had no guilt about it.

So I guess.. in that sense.. I've matured.

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